Rewire

"[My friend] asked me, "Do you ever write poetry?"

and I said, "No"---I'd never thought of doing so.  

He said: "Why don't you?"

---and at that point I decided that's what I would do.

Looking back, I conceived how the ground had been prepared."

---W.H. Auden                        

It's interesting, the things that have shaped who we are, where we will go.  It gives the thought of what you would do differently in your life a whole new meaning.  

I started writing poetry at fifteen.  My catalyst?  Having my heart broken by a boy.  I remember having so much on my mind, so much I needed to say, and one day I just put pen to paper and began to write.  From there, it just became how I expressed myself.  

When I was eighteen, I fell madly in love with a boy in college and gave him my whole heart.  Together, we ruined that relationship and broke them both.  After that breakup, I was completely numb.  I didn't know what to think, couldn't even remember how to write.  Then one day I was ready.  At nineteen, I wrote my poetic masterpiece and haven't written another poem since.  I moved on to novels, which has been much more satisfying even if there isn't that instant gratification there was with poems.  

In my life, there are definitely things that I would have done differently, could I go back.  But then I have to wonder about who I would be today if I did.  See, even though things aren't how I would have imagined it, I happen to LIKE who I am.  My life isn't easy, by any means, and I occasionally find myself envious of others, though I immediately remind myself to stop, but there are others who have it far worse.  I am grateful for who I am and who I have in my life.  So if I could go back, I'm not entirely sure that I would change a thing.  

Tuesday's devotional said, "Positive think brings energy and optimism and helps focus our goals and dreams."  Focusing on the things you want can literally rewire your brain and help you get there.  This phenomenon has been described by neurologists as "neurons that fire together, wire together."  

In short, it's always good to remember what brought you to this point in your lives, what catalysts appeared to set your journey down a specific road.  But ultimately it's up to you to decide which direction you would like to take.  The paths in front of you are many, but no one can rewire your brain the way you can. You can blame or lean on others as much as you wish, but the only way you're going to succeed is if you get up and do it yourself.  Keep pushing.  Eventually you'll get there. 

I'll remind myself of that every single day.