Welcome to the Dark Side

I think my favorite type of villain is not necessarily good intentioned, but at least has a few redeemable qualities.  Clear cut villains are typically boring.  Those with a dark and twisted past, where you can actually see where he went wrong, maybe even be sympathetic to his plight, the ones you just KNOW would be the protagonist had their circumstances been different, had they known this one fact or turned that last corner back there...I think those are my favorite types of villains.  The ones who keep you up at night because they have SOMEHOW slipped beneath your "root for the good guy" blinders and become your favorite character.  Everyone has darkness inside them.  Some people just let their evil freak flag fly.

Awkward Realization

I realize that I seem to post or share quotes on Facebook, words that others have said, more than write something myself. (Awkward.)  Possibly it's because I haven't technically published anything myself.  I'm a little leery about self-publication, (not that there is anything wrong with it) and I'm still trying to get an agent, myself, before even attempting to contact an editor or publisher for actually getting my novel in print.  Because of this, I think there are times when I feel like I don't have a whole lot to say for myself. 

I'm pretty sure this is a problem.

I'm a writer!  Of course I have a lot to say.  But about what?  I think a good part of it is, like in real life, I don't always know where to start.  Now, you give me a topic and I will go on and on.  Sometimes the harder part is getting me to shut up.  But I don't like to boast about myself, therefore self-marketing, especially when the real product (my writing) isn't technically out for sale yet, is tough. 

Yet, if you get me in a book, in the mind of another, whether it be one of my own creation or from the mind of another, I can whisk you away to a world unknown, take you on  adventure, lavish you in witty repartee and casual, snarky banter.  I can fill you with a love for these characters, (again, be it my own or another's) and make you feel heartbreak when they do. 

I think, sometimes, that I prefer fictional worlds and imaginary people to the real thing.  I was told once that I preferred animals to people, and that's true.  But I think the real problem may be that I prefer fiction to reality. 

I am not an introvert.  I have never in my life been described as quiet or shy.  And while I've never been one to voluntarily jump off a cliff, a bridge or a waterfall (nor will I ever suggest it), I was always the one my friends made go talk to new people.  I was unafraid.  Or really, I was terrified, I just didn't let it stop me.

So why am I afraid to talk to any of you?  Why is it that when it comes to talking about myself, about anything that truly matters, I am at a loss?  Maybe it's just that, like most of us in the human race, I have this overwhelming fear that no one cares.  And in a world where someone has to care for my work to be read, to be shared with the masses, what was once a relatively minor insecurity becomes a vast, gaping hole threatening to envelope me in darkness. 

Yet, I do believe there is hope.  A light at the end of the tunnel, if you will.  Just as I have never been described as shy, I have always been described as stubborn, so I doubt I'll stay this way for long. 

Cross your fingers for me.

Because We Are Members of the Human Race

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recur...ring; of the endless trains of the faithless--of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse." That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"

  ~John Keating (Robin Williams), Dead Poets Society. One of my very favorite movies. Ever.

 

Words of My Soul

There is a reason that I live through quotes from other people, that I strive to absorb their meaning and yearn to feel as they feel, think as they think and still maintain my own individuality, my own way of looking at life. They are words spoken by others that sing a song to my soul. Some are funny, some are deep, some are just good advice. But each and every one of them resonate with a note deep inside my heart and give an outsider just a little bit of insight as to who I am. If I let you in or share the words, do not feel as if I am pushing them upon you.  Take from them what you will, but don't discard them. For words, whatever their meaning, have a power that satisfies a thirst we may not have even been aware that we possessed. Drink them up, quench the thirst, and be fulfilled.

Dear Life

Dear Life,

It's me.  The one you've tried to bring down time and time again.  The one who won't stay down and will always get up.  I will always rise to fight again.  You will not destroy me. 

I have watched you bring down those close to me for years.  You tear their life apart.  Some resist.  They stand their ground a rise above the emptiness you can bring.  Others falter and ultimately fall.  I will not be one of them.

You can throw your worst at me.  It won't make a difference.  I may stumble.  I may fall.  But I will always get back up.

I have faith in a higher power.  I have faith in my dreams.  I have faith in myself.  That belief, that confidence, that hope is what drives me to resist the temptations of the dark side.  To stand up and be strong.  To stay strong.  There is nothing you can do that I can't handle.   Deliver your worst.  I will win.

Through the rain there is a rainbow.  Through the clouds the sun.  There is always a brighter day, although it is inevitably bound to get worse before it gets better.  It will.  And even when I'm doubtful, I know I just have to wait. 

I know who I am.  I have my dreams and the strength and determination to achieve them.  I will overcome every obstacle and there is nothing you can do about it.  I am just obstinate enough to know that I will not fail.  In the end, you will lose.  I will live.  Happily. 

Sincerely,

A Fighter

Courage

What is courage?  Such a small word with such big meaning.  Seven simple letters combined together to form a word that in so many ways has touched the life of the world. 

But what is it?  The dictionary describes it as the quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger or hardship  with confidence, resolution, and firm control of oneself; bravery. 

The first thought that comes to mind, every time, is a soldier.  The man or woman who selflessly risks their life for their country.  The soldier is the epitome of courage. 

That being said, think about it.  Facing danger with confidence, resolution and firm control of oneself?  Is that really courageous?  What if someone knowingly endangered their life, having confidence, resolution and firm control of themselves, but they did it for pure delight?  They weren't fighting for anything.  They weren't standing up for themselves or what they believed in.  All they were doing was showing stupidity.  Risking everything for an adrenaline rush, and obviously not knowing what a treasure life really is.  Not even thinking about how those in their lives would be affected should their plan fail.  Now, it that considered courage?  Do people truly think that is courageous? 

Well, I for one, do not.  Courage is more than having confidence and resolution.  More than being brave.  It's doing what has to be done, when it has to be done, regardless of the consequence.  It's being willing to lose all that you hold dear for the greater good.  Risking your life to save someone else.  Putting everything you know and love on the line so that someone else may have a chance to embrace life the way you did.

Yet courage is in the eye of the beholder.  It may be different, or it may be the same.  It all depends on the heart of the one deciding. 

In the words of a poet, courage is anywhere from riding a bike to facing war.  From enduring a great despair and handling it with grace to facing your own death with your head held high. 
          
Anne Sexton put it into words I could not express in her poem simply entitled, "Courage."
           "When you face old age and its natural conclusion,
           Your courage will still be shown in the little ways,
           Each spring will be a sword you'll sharpen,
           Those you love will live in a fever of love,
           And you'll bargain with the calendar
           And at the last moment
           When death opens the back door,
           You'll put on your carpet slippers
           And stride out."
That is courage.  Taking them as they come.  Not being afraid, and if you are, facing your fears.  Not thinking about what you will be losing, but looking ahead to what's coming.  Just go.

Still, that is just one aspect.  To a four-year-old, courage may be being brave, like climbing a tree or getting up in front of the class.  But as you get older, your idea of courage evolves.  To some, courage is "putting yourself in danger to help something or someone."  To others, it's "when you do something that you know is right and you stick with that no matter what anyone tried to tell you.  You don't change your mind."

As we grow up, our perception of courage matures.  It becomes more developed as we come to understand what's going on in the world around us.  Though the idea of courage varies from person to person, the concept is generally the same.  It's always fighting for what's right, putting others before yourself---be it friend or foe, a stranger, or a loved one that you hold dear.

But is there a difference between courage and love?  Risking your life for someone else is courage.  But risking your life for a friend is not courage.  Not the way I see it.  Courage involves thinking about what you should do and following through on it.  Saving a friend is instinct.  No thinking involved.  It's a reaction.  It's love.  Love is stronger than courage.  Always.  In my eyes, there is a difference.
        "If your buddy saved you, / and died himself in doing so / then his courage was
        not courage. / It was love; love as simple as shaving soap." ---Anne Sexton

Courage is seen in many ways.  When my mother was younger, she and her sister had to take on a lot of the responsibilities for their family.  Taking care of the house, their little brother, themselves.  They shared their childhood with responsibility.  They had to give up some of the normal freedoms of being a teenager.  But they did it with their heads held high.   They shouldered that burden the way no child ever should, and yet so many still do.  Their courage to take on life with all they had shown brightly then and even brighter today. 

I respect my mother more than almost anyone else that I know.  She is one of my greatest heroes as well as my best friend.  Through her love and kindness, I have learned what courage truly is.  Because of that, I have experienced life in a way I would never trade.  I will always be grateful for that gift.

Tiny Terrorists

So let me tell you a little bit about my last few days.  I put my darling child to bed on Sunday night, kiss my angel and tell her I love her, then crawl in bed next to my husband and go to sleep.  Monday morning comes bright and early, the sun is shining, the coffee is brewing and I am ready to face the day.  Dressed and ready for work I go in and gently wake my sleeping girl, hoping for a sweet smile and a "Good morning, Mommy." 

And then a demon opens its eyes. 

The next two days are nothing but tantrums, screaming, kicking, spankings, time outs (for her, too) and repeatedly counting to three.  I am exhausted---and ironically unable to sleep.

Whoever called it the "Terrible Twos" was drastically underestimating the demonic power of a toddler.  Either that or they took pleasure is spewing deceit and misleading well-meaning adults into thinking they would get a reprieve when the kid turned three.

Now, I love my daughter.  She is the light of my life, the bounce in my step and the joy in my heart.  My favorite times of the day are when she is telling me what she learned, laughing and dancing like a lunatic or just cuddling and saying she loves me.  But there are some days (like the past few) when I would love nothing more than to string that child up by her toes!  She hit the "Terrible Twos" head on at one and a half and has not stopped running since.  Now, as she is gaining on three and a half and showing no signs of losing even an ounce of her attitude, (much to my dismay) I have come to the conclusion that I either need to wait the child out...or surrender.

And that is a thing I will never do.  Her father is right: she gets her stubbornness from me.

There must be something about that age.  Maybe it's discovering their own sense of self for the first time, learning to be independent or that there are some things they just don't need Mommy and Daddy to do.  Maybe it's that toddlers are hardwired to push every button and turn every hair grey on their mother's head.  Who knows?  What I do know for certain is that it is not just my child.  (Whew!) 

So I have come to another conclusion.  Toddlers are not just tiny humans trying to find their own way in the world.   They're tiny freaking terrorists sent to conquer it!  One day, all of us parents are going to turn around and find our children holding up blankets and stories, herding us all to a designated area to be by ourselves for a while.  They're going to take all of the grown ups and put us on an island while they go about their business of freedom and playtime with no bed time, rules or naps. 

Well. Let me tell you, if the midget gasoline thieves do banish all the adults to a desert island, the first thing I'm going to do is grab a stiff drink and a good book, stretch out on the beach and catch me some sun.  My child can rampage across the universe and have all the rule-less fun she wants.  This Mommy needs a break.  :)

New Blog!

Part of my resolutions for 2014 is to review all the books I read (or in some cases, have read.)  My friends and I began a book club last January so I hope to add those in as well.  Because of this, I have created a second blog strictly devoted book reviews, called World of Fiction.  That blog is located at: http://chelseasbooksbooksbooks.blogspot.com/

To get it going, there may be some overlap with the blogs already posted on this page, though I hope to keep that to a minimum. 

On this new blog, I will not only be reviewing the books, I will be comparing books to their movie versions, analyzing characters, writing synopses and possibly even writing my own quick rendition of what could go on a jacket cover.  All of this is to help me hone my writing skills while (hopefully) still being entertaining. 

If you are a fan of my writing (and random musings) please become a follower of my blogs!  As a writer and aspiring novelist hoping to get published (gulp!), building platform is a necessary evil (oh, I mean resource) for getting my name out there and showing publishers that I have something to say worth reading. 

As of today, I can also be found on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/chelseagreer.writer?ref=hl 
and on Writing.com http://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/chelsea.greer 

Any support is greatly appreciated.  Thank you for all the page views I've received already!

Here's to 2014

Happy New Year, everybody! I hope it brings you new beginnings and opportunities, or just another chance to make memories with the people in your lives. Here's to 2014!

 

My New Years Resolutions:

1. Find an agent.
2. Finish Flickering Flame and Wild Rose
3. Have Spark in the Ashes professionally edited.
4. Publish a poem.
5. Attend a writing conference.

Good luck to everybody on their resolutions this year!