Lean On Me

"Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at."

---David Gerrold                 

Everyone has flaws.  I myself have many.  I like it that way.   It keeps me humble and makes me unique.  I'm a difficult person and I know it.  But I'm not all bad, either.  The thing is, I own my flaws.  I'm a klutz.  The only time I ever have balance is when I'm dancing, which has never made any sense to me whatsoever. I can pretty much do nothing even remotely athletic, but I've taken on the mentality that somebody has to be bad at these types of things.  Why not me?  I'm stubborn, but I know when to yield.  I say things I shouldn't and have a tendency to kick myself after because I know better.  I have strong opinions, but I enjoy seeing the other side.  I may seem cold at times, but I can love fiercely.  Once a decision is made, I am incredibly firm, but it takes me a lot to get there. I know I'm guarded, but once I open up, you won't be disappointed.  Or maybe you will.  Because I'm also one of those people that you either love or hate.  There really is no in between.  

But you know what?  I'm okay with that.  I know what I can do, who I am.  I know my limits. And I want to push them.  In every possible way.  I want to see just how much I'm made of.  But I also know that I won't be able to do it alone.  Learning doesn't happen by yourself.  Neither does strength.  We all need someone there to help hold us up when we're weak.  To remind us of our possibilities when our worlds come crashing down and we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  And that's okay.  It's okay to lean every once in a while.  To ask for help.  Just remember that you also need to help yourself, because one day, those people may just ask you.

 

Talking Without Interruption

Jules Renard seems to be a man after my own heart.  One of his most famous quotes is: "Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted."  

I believe this to be true.  In life, there are so many times where people (myself included) don't actually listen, but instead are just waiting for their turn to talk.  When you write, you don't have that problem.  You can take a thought and let it flow, staring in wonder as your fingers physically produce words that your mind creates down paths you never imagined they would go.  

One of the most fun things for me is to meet someone new or be introduced to an unknown subject and let myself explore the unexplored horizons of new knowledge.  I love to learn.  I love to see things from different angles, decide how I feel about it and then express myself in the only way that I know how.  It lets me discover what I'm made of, who I've been, who I'd like to be and ultimately, where I want to go.  

Each unknown avenue is one more opportunity for another facet of my soul to fall into place. 

Which leads me to my favorite quote by Jules Renard: 

"As I grow to understand life less and less, I learn to love it more and more."

To Vote or Not To Vote

I really hate this way of thinking, and actually, my friend and I were just discussing it on Thursday. Voting DOES change things. That's why we do it. And for every one person who thinks their vote doesn't matter, there are thousands more like him. If no one voted, nothing would get done and our democracy would cease to exist. 

My feeling? If you don't vote, you don't get to complain. You don't like how the government is run but didn't bother to put in your two cents to change it? Sounds like a personal problem to me. If people like this put in the time and energy they use complaining about their lack of input in the government into actually voting, maybe I'd give a damn when they open their mouths. But then, that's just me. 

(And this is one of my buttons. Can you tell?)

A Room of One's Own

Saturday's book to read is A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf. 

When the book-length essay A Room of One's Own was published in 1929, it met head-on with controversy.  It's an important essay for writers to read because it makes such a compelling argument for a complete change in worldview. 

Woolf believed in a "materialistic approach," suggesting that if women had the same advantages as men, including access to education, they would be on equal footing.  In A Room of One's Own, Woolf said, "A woman must have money and a room of her own," in order to write fiction.  Woolf recommended that the room have a lock and that 500 pounds be provided ($40,000 in today's American dollars). Woolf came from a literary  family and took degree-level course at King's College in London.  While at King's College, she met some of the reformers of women's education---encounter that helped to shape this famous essay. 

When viewed through today's cultural lens, the book still conveys a profound message that bears revisiting: women are just as capable as men at creating meaningful art.

"Women, then, have not had a dog's chance

of writing poetry.  That is why I have laid so much

stress on money and a room of one's one."

 

 

(Taken straight from The Writer's Devotional by Amy Peters.)

He said, She said.

"James Blish told me I had the worst case

of "said bookism" (that is, using every word

except said to indicate dialogue). He told me

to limit the verbs to said, replied, asked and answered

and only when absolutely necessary."

---Anne McCaffrey

 

According to my Thursday devotional (again, a little behind this week), describing how a person is saying something too often can be distracting.  As a reader, I have to agree.  I much prefer dialogue that goes from one person speaking to the next without descriptive paragraphs interrupting the flow too often.  I'll have to keep that in mind for my own writing. 

Divergent

My assignment for last Wednesday, (which I'm slacking on) was to review a recently released movie.  I postponed this post because I was going to go see this movie...on Thursday.

And it was a good thing I did, too. 

Typically, I will tear a book-to-movie adaptation to shreds, especially if it's one that I really liked.  To be perfectly honest, if I have any complaints about the movie adaptation of Divergent, they are fairly minor.

Peter wasn't enough of a villain (and I was really looking forward to seeing Miles Teller as a badass).  The initiates looked soft to me, whereas in the book they all seemed to harden up upon arrival.  And they missed the scene with Tris and Four at the bottom of the chasm.

Other than that (excluding the typical changes for putting 400+ pages on screen) I thought the movie was pretty darn impressive.  FINALLY a director listened to the fans and stuck with the book ON THE FIRST INSTALLMENT.  (Even The Hunger Games had issues with the first one, though Catching Fire was pretty spot on.)  Well done, Neil Burger. 

If you've read Divergent by Veronica Roth---or even if you haven't---the movie is a must see.  Shailene Woodley and Theo James as Tris and Four do not disappoint. I plan to see it again. :)

O. Henry

O. Henry ( 1862-1910) was a writer best known for his short stories at the the turn of the twentieth century, including the holiday classic, The Gift of the Magi. 

Fun fact about O. Henry: His real name is William Sydney Porter.  He assumed the pen name O. Henry because he was imprisoned in a federal penitentiary for embezzlement.

"He...invariably began with patter and palaver,

like a conjurer at a fair...

Then he established his people with bold,

brilliant strokes, like a great cartoonist. 

But the barb was always a surprise, 

adroitly prepared, craftily planted,

and to catch him at it is an exercise for a detective."

---Francis Hackett        

                         

*I'm switching Wednesday's and Friday's devotionals around.  Just in case you were following the order.*

Rewire

"[My friend] asked me, "Do you ever write poetry?"

and I said, "No"---I'd never thought of doing so.  

He said: "Why don't you?"

---and at that point I decided that's what I would do.

Looking back, I conceived how the ground had been prepared."

---W.H. Auden                        

It's interesting, the things that have shaped who we are, where we will go.  It gives the thought of what you would do differently in your life a whole new meaning.  

I started writing poetry at fifteen.  My catalyst?  Having my heart broken by a boy.  I remember having so much on my mind, so much I needed to say, and one day I just put pen to paper and began to write.  From there, it just became how I expressed myself.  

When I was eighteen, I fell madly in love with a boy in college and gave him my whole heart.  Together, we ruined that relationship and broke them both.  After that breakup, I was completely numb.  I didn't know what to think, couldn't even remember how to write.  Then one day I was ready.  At nineteen, I wrote my poetic masterpiece and haven't written another poem since.  I moved on to novels, which has been much more satisfying even if there isn't that instant gratification there was with poems.  

In my life, there are definitely things that I would have done differently, could I go back.  But then I have to wonder about who I would be today if I did.  See, even though things aren't how I would have imagined it, I happen to LIKE who I am.  My life isn't easy, by any means, and I occasionally find myself envious of others, though I immediately remind myself to stop, but there are others who have it far worse.  I am grateful for who I am and who I have in my life.  So if I could go back, I'm not entirely sure that I would change a thing.  

Tuesday's devotional said, "Positive think brings energy and optimism and helps focus our goals and dreams."  Focusing on the things you want can literally rewire your brain and help you get there.  This phenomenon has been described by neurologists as "neurons that fire together, wire together."  

In short, it's always good to remember what brought you to this point in your lives, what catalysts appeared to set your journey down a specific road.  But ultimately it's up to you to decide which direction you would like to take.  The paths in front of you are many, but no one can rewire your brain the way you can. You can blame or lean on others as much as you wish, but the only way you're going to succeed is if you get up and do it yourself.  Keep pushing.  Eventually you'll get there. 

I'll remind myself of that every single day. 

Taste is Subjective

Monday's Devotional: Writers on writing

"Confronted by an absolutely infuriating review, it is sometimes helpful for the victim to do a little personal research on the critic.  Is there any truth to the rumor that he had no formal education beyond the age of eleven?  Was he ever arrested for burglary?"
---Jean Kerr

The point is, my friends, taste is subjective.  In all things.  Something to keep in mind.

Big Cats

Sunday's devotional prompt:  I like animals...

I favor big cats.  Cougars, Jaguars, Leopards, Lions, Tigers, Cheetas. (Although, technically, Cougars and Cheetahs aren't considered one of the big four. Still love them.)

I like the way they move, their feline grace.  I like the cunning with which they thing.  I like their cultures and lifestyles, be they in groups or solitary.  I like how smart they are and the simple nuances each species has.  

(Apparently, I don't have a lot to say on this one today.  My apologies.)

Love Drug

 

I find the concept of love appealing.  I'm well aware that it may not always work out or that love in and of itself may not be enough to keep going.  I'm no stranger to heartbreak.  I've had my share. Still, I've found that I have remained a hopeless romantic to my very core.

 

Who doesn't love the feeling of butterflies in the stomach?  That sensation of having your knees feel weak?  When your heart beat pounds against your chest and your breath quickens, when you feel like time has stopped and the only thing left is the two of you, that's the best feeling in the entire world. 

 

Having someone to go to with the good and the bad, knowing that either way, you just can't get to them fast enough is a gift.  They are your rock.  They bring out the very best in you, show you your flaws and help you accept them, support you in your every endeavor.  They say it's an amazing thing to have your lover be your best friend, and I believe that is why.  Having someone know you inside and out and love you anyway is incredible.   Seeing that look in their eyes, the one full of love, passion and desire, is...well, it's wonderful. 

 

 

They say love actually changes the human mind.  Our brain chemistry alters with new love as we try to come back down to earth.  It is the human body's natural high.  Love is the ultimate drug.  Why not pick up the habit?



Fortunate

 

I am so very fortunate to have the people that I have in my life.  They're the type of people that I would live and die for, that would come running at the drop of a hat if I needed them.  And have. They probably have no problem doing so because they know I would do the same for them.

 

There have been times when I wasn't always the smartest about whom I relied on.  As the years have gone by, however, I've learned that my true friends---those I would consider family as well---are few, but should be treasured and never taken for granted.  Even if we don't talk as much as we should. 

 

However, my lack in judgment on a person's character---be it past or present---cannot be discounted.  I've found that I'm quicker to release those that aren't meant to be there as I get older.  (Or maybe that's wiser.)  I will never, ever, ask someone to want to remain in my life.  If they don't want to, then so be it.  I wish them well in all endeavors. 

 

Personally, my mind is chaotic enough without the confusion such enterprises demand.  I don't need to worry about whether or not I'm doing something wrong, to suffer fools or to put up with negative emotions.  Likewise, while I have this opinion, I also honor and respect it in regards to others. 

 

I'm not entirely sure where this is all coming from.  Sometimes I just have something I need to say.  This is something I've been thinking about recently, for various reasons, so I thought voicing my thoughts was a better way to analyze them than keep them bottled up in my mind. 

 

It's times like this that I wish J.K. Rowling's works were real. I could really use Dumbledore's pensieve right about now.   I apologize if this seems like an accusatory rant.  I swear that it isn't.  I'm just thinking.



Scoop by Evelyn Waugh

What is Saturday's book to read, you ask?  Why, it is Scoop by Evelyn Waugh. 

Published in 1938, Scoop is a great example of social satire in the modern era. 

(Blurb straight from Amy Peters, The Writer's Devotional)
"Waugh brought his biting wit to the social satire, Scoop.  In it, a young London journalist, William Boot, is sent to cover a civil war in the fictional African country of Ishmaelia, when his editors at The Daily Beast (from which Tina Brown got the name for her online news site) mistake him for another novelist with the same name.  While his inept editor dines on canapés and drinks sherry back in London, Boot, a nature writer, gamely tries to cover the events unfolding on the ground in Ishmaelia.  Through a series of fortunate strokes, Boot is able to get the big scoop.  But, upon returning to London, the credit for the news goes to the other novelist, and Boot returns to obscurity.  

"Scoop demonstrates why Waugh is considered one of the greatest satirical writers of his generation."

Seeing as I had never even heard of this book before now, I have to say that I would like to read it.  It's outside my normal comfort zone, but I'm okay with that.  Life's all about taking chances, right?

Waugh is also known for comments such as saying Raymond Chandler's writing was essentially about drinking shots of whiskey, calling James Joyce a "lunatic," declaring Faulkner's writing "intolerably bad," as well as a variety of other strong opinions.  That alone makes him someone I would like to read, just to see what he's like.  (Not necessarily because I agree.)

"I think that Hemingway made real 

discoveries about the use of language in his first novel, 

The Sun Also Rises.

I admired the way he made drunk people talk." 

---Evelyn Waugh               

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Friday's writing devotional was on the famous Soviet author, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, who wrote books that "shed a true light on what was happening behind the Iron Curtain.  Solzhenitsyn lived from 1918 to 2008 and served as the commander of an artillery-position-finding company during World War II due to his knowledge and interest in mathematics. 

Fun fact about dear old Aleksandr: In 1945 he was arrested for an unflattering portrayal of Stalin, sentenced to eight years in a detention camp and after one month, his status as a citizen of the Soviet Union was changed to "exiled for life."  However, when he returned in 1994, he was welcomed back as a hero.

"I believe that world literature has it in its power

to help mankind, in these its troubled hours,

to see itself as it really is, notwithstanding the indoctrinations

of prejudiced people and parties."

 

(I apologize for the tardiness of this post.  Personal life got in the way yesterday.)

Unpleasant Decisions

Dealing with unpleasant things is never fun.  Obviously.  There's the very real and wanted tendency to just bury your head in the sand and hope the issue will work itself out. 

It won't.

Reaching a decision is the hardest part. Weighing the pros and cons, looking at the ramifications on both sides, factoring in the joys and hardships of both situations. Once you make that decision, however, you can let out a breath and feel the weight just slip from your shoulders.

Then there's the follow through.  The thoughts and practicalities that come after the question of "What next?" in any impactful decision.

The truth is, I don't know what next.  I hadn't quite gotten that far.  What I do know is that for now, I'm seriously tired of thinking about it and could use a distraction. If only I could turn my mind off for a while.

Small Town, USA

The thing I love about small towns is the feeling you get when you go out on a porch as the sun's going down right at the verge of spring.  People are walking their dogs, riding their bikes.  You can hear children laughing and hear cars off in the distance.  You know that inside those homes, be they big or small, families are spending time together---or apart, as I did in my sullen teenage years---and the lucky ones feel as if they're at home. 

There's a sense of community that you just can't get anywhere else.  You don't have to witness the big events firsthand.  You can feel it in the air, sense it on the wind.  You can hear it in their voices, even if they're just drifting out a window.  It's a feeling of comfort that is a rare commodity in larger areas and cities and something I didn't appreciate enough when I was young. 

So tonight, I'd like to take a moment to appreciate the beauty of the evening.  Sit back, take a deep breath, and just think how nice it is out here.

Trust



Trust is an interesting concept.  Trust in another person not to hurt you.  Trust that they'll make you feel safe.  Trust that they'll do what they say.  Trust that they'll be who they say.  Trust that they'll let you be who you are.  Trust in yourself. 

 

 It takes a lot to put your faith in another person. You're giving them a gift, asking them to be exactly who you think they are, knowing that they probably won't be able to.  People are flexible.  We change, we make mistakes.  We're only human.  But sometimes, they can surprise you and those are the times when it makes it worth it.  Still, giving someone your trust is never easy.  It's like giving them a part of yourself and asking them not to break it.

 

Sometimes trusting yourself is even harder. For some reason, (most of us) see ourselves harsher than others do.  We see our own flaws, our mistakes.  We see every heart we broke, every lie we told, every promise or secret we didn't keep.  Sometimes that makes us doubt ourselves and the truths we hide that, deep down, we know to be right.  Because of this, we may fall short of the expectations we have for ourselves and therefore doubt even more. 

 

It makes for a hard life to not trust yourself or those around you.  Believe me, I know.  But once you do decide to take that step, to make that leap, and you know that if you put your faith in the right people that they will never let you fall even if they slip once in a while, it's a beautiful thing.  Knowing that you can trust yourself to make those decisions, to be who you want to be and not let anyone or anything hold you back, that's like giving your soul wings to grow and to fly. 

 

In my life, I have been so fortunate to have one of the best support systems a woman can ever have.  We've had our off times, sure, but when it really comes down to it, we're always in each others' corner.  Hopefully I'll be able to trust myself enough to know when another is worth letting in and trusting as well.  One can only hope. 

Outlines

So, Wednesday's devotional was to write a review about a book I don't like.  However, as I have done that recently and my life has gotten...let's just say, complicated, I had to skip that one. 

Thursday's devotional deals with the concept of an outline.  I, personally, feel that outlines can be both helpful and harmful.  In one way, they can help you organize your thoughts into something coherent and legible.  On the other, they can restrict your progress if you are one who sticks to what's already been written and has trouble deviating.  My feelings on outlines are definitely a conundrum, but I'm open and willing to try it both ways.

"For all my longer works I write chapter outlines so I can have the pleasure

of departing from them later on."

---Garth Nix                      

Think Creatively

"As I've learned...no one knows "enough"

about grammar.  This causes a lot of people to feel

insecure and alone, as if they're the only ones

whose grasp of the language is less than adequate."

---Jane Casagrande           

 

 

Amy Peters' advice on Tuesday's devotional:

"My advice is to think creatively first, and then worry if you've written it correctly.  Chances are that you'll capture your audience with your wit and prose, and the style will follow."

 

Yeah, I like that. 

Relationship Status

I'm not even sure what I'm feeling, and that's actually terrifying.  My mind is racing a mile a minute and it feels as if I'm thinking about way too many things to count.  Guilt, hope, pain and interest are all intermingled into one intense, confusing emotion.  It's quite aggravating, to tell you the truth.

 

See, I like talking to people.  I like getting to know people, to learn from them, develop connections. This world is too big and our days too numbered to be satisfied with only the people in our small little corner of the world.  Much as I do with reading, I like to broaden my horizons by experiencing different people and ultimately learning more about myself in the process.  I think it actually makes me a better person because of it. 

 

Trouble is, sometimes circumstances complicate things enough that the end line gets lost in the details.  Excuse me for saying so, but so what if I'm married?  Does that suddenly mean that I'm no longer a person?  Am I not allowed to have an intelligent conversation or even an entertaining one without having to feel guilty that I'm speaking with people outside my little circle?

 

It's not even just recently, either.  For the last few years, I've heard more and more that "I'm married."  Like that's a blinking red sign saying "Stay Away."  For someone as social and interested in new things as I am, that's actually just depressing.  Why should I not be allowed to meet new people and make new friends?  It just so happens that I've ALWAYS gotten along better with males.  It means nothing more than a simple fact, but I'm sick of it defining me in ways I never thought it should. 

 

God, I sound like I'm whining.  I even feel like it.  But I guess maybe I just needed to spout my venting to more than just my own mind.  Probably not the best place to do so, but at this point, I'm not even sure I care.  Really, I'm just sick of feeling like my relationship status makes me less.  It's ridiculous. 

 

Normally, I don't air my dirty laundry.  This is not an attack on any one person (or an attack at all), it does not state anything about my husband.  It's just a frustration that I had to voice before I explode. 

 

To put it bluntly, the fact that I don't seem to get the credit for being a woman in and of herself outside my marriage pisses me off.  I am not defined or hampered by a relationship.  I'm still me. I'm still a person worth knowing, damn it.  Things change.  Sometimes quickly.  That one fact won't.  

 

 

The Perks of Being a Reader

"We are a species that needs and wants to understand who we are.

Sheep lice do not seem to share this longing, which is one reason why they write so little."

---Anne Lamott

 

All creativity speaks to the need to discover, experience and convey the human experience. 

 

Today's writing devotional discusses a study performed at the University of Toronto where the question was: Do humans find that they are better able to understand and experience life through their reading, particularly by reading fiction?

 

 

The answer:  Apparently, the results were clear.  The study found that those participants who read fiction were actually better able to relate to their peers and to engage in social interaction.  They were also showed an increase in empathy, allowing them to understand human nature as found through their reading. 

 



Success

All right, week one of my writing devotionals was a complete success.  Some of the posts were made around or a little after midnight, as my child has decided not to go to sleep until after ten (much to my dismay).  However, each day has given me a little bit more practice and a little bit more of a push to get me where I need to go. 

This is week is finally over, so hopefully I can do just as well next week.  Here's hoping.

Ireland

Sunday's writing prompt:

If I could live anywhere in the world...

 

If I could live anywhere in the world, I would live in Ireland.  Rolling hills, gorgeous beaches, ancient ruins.  It's a place full of myths and magic, beauty and legends.  It's a place where family roots and ties mean something.  I've wanted to go to Ireland for years, and maybe it's the books I read, but something about the place pulls at me.  

Silent Spring

Saturday's book to read: Silent Spring by Rachel Carson

"It would be unrealistic to believe that one book could bring a complete change."

Bringing Sexy Back

Physical attractiveness seems to be a theme in my life this last week.  Be it a new dating site based solely on looks mentioned by my brother and his roommate, a night out with the girls reverting back to "rating" men in a bar for pure enjoyment, or an unexpected exaltation of me based on pictures, it's a subject that keeps repeating.  Must be something in the air. 

The thing is, while someone being physically attractive may be the catalyst to spark an interest or a conversation, it's not what keeps it going.  It can bring about lust, infatuation, admiration or even envy, but it doesn't account for a true love or deep appreciation of a person as a whole.  When it really counts, looks don't matter.  They're not what makes a person who he or she is.  They're not what makes me.  And as much as I appreciate compliments, when that's all an interest---even a platonic one---consists of, I find myself extremely annoyed.  

Beauty is not just skin deep.  It is in a person's laugh, their sense of humor.  It's in the way they see the world, the way they treat others.  It's in their very heart. 

Yes, I will admit---without shame---that I can take someone at face value.  Yet I still don't have a type as many of my friends do.  I find that personality actually makes someone's physical traits more (or less) attractive.  I do have my weaknesses.  Some, like gorgeous eyes and a dazzling smile, are fairly cliche (for a reason).  But then I have a few that are probably more unique to me.  Like arms.  Strange, I know.  But give me a nice, muscular set of arms and man, I swoon.  And glasses.  I love a man in glasses.  Not necessarily the every day kind.  More like the Clark Kent kind.  Give that man in glasses something to read or study and whoah boy.  Puddle at your feet.  Intelligence is sexy.  So sexy.  Proving you have intelligence, that you can think for yourself instead of just what the masses tell you is okay is like pulling off your shirt and showing off your muscles.  It's like flexing your brain.  (Is it hot in here?)  Traits like that, personality, those are the things that are hot to me.

When I was younger---like high school---it was common for me to get compliments about my looks.  Not bragging, just fact.  I was cute.  Some even went so far as to call me hot.  As I got older, those compliments stopped, or at least decreased.  I don't know if that's a statement about my looks now or if I just stopped noticing.  Either way, I don't hear them much any more and though when I do I'm completely flattered, I'm also just fine with the change. 

See, I don't want to be told that I'm hot or gorgeous or even beautiful if all you're looking at is my face.  Okay, so I'll go so far as to say I could be considered pretty, but if you're going to compliment me in that way, I want you to actually know me.  Know how I think, how I talk.  Know my opinions, my beliefs, listen to what I say, hear my views about life and if you're lucky (or unlucky), see my flaws and the deepest parts of me.  Examine my darkest secrets, my hidden fears.  Experience my loyalty, my unerring faith in a person and my ability to see the best in everyone.  Listen to my sarcastic and flirtatious nature.  Witness my stubbornness and my temper.  Understand that I make horrific mistakes---sometimes over and over again---that I am strangely unique in some ways.  Understand that I have been broken and damaged in a multitude of ways yet still manage to smile and persevere.  Feel that I can love with my whole heart and still have trouble believing that I am enough, that I am worthy of love after things that I've done---or things that have been done to me---that I am attractive at all.  Get that I do not take compliments well because they seem to come out of left field, even if the person giving them doesn't think so.  (I'm not being coy when I disagree with you.  I just honestly don't see it.)  Know that I have a fear of causing the destruction of those that I love, that I don't want to be thought less of even though my confidence has been shaken in very real ways so I keep it to myself (usually) so as not to burden others.  See that fear of rejection is fought by a hard shell and guarded demeanor but once I open up, I am loving and warm and full of life.  Allow for the fact that I spend more time with my foot in my mouth than with it on the ground.  See all of that, understand it, understand me.  Then, and only then, call me beautiful.  If you can do all that---and allow me to do the same for you---you will have a friend in me for life. And I am a damn good one.

Beauty is all so subjective.  What's attractive to one person is repulsive to another, so I appreciate when one finds me physically attractive, especially when an overheard comment that may or may not have been directed at me, makes it to where I don't.  But I would rather look at who a person is.  I would rather be admired for who I am than what I look like.  And I think if we all just took a few minutes to look beyond the Hollywood stereotype of what makes a person beautiful, what makes them sexy, and really see down deep to the soul of them, what makes them tick, maybe we could actually bring sexy back.  And this time, maybe we could make it mean something.

George Orwell

Friday Writing Devotionals are biographies.  Today, it is George Orwell.  Best known for his novels Animal House, published in 1945, and 1984, published in 1949, George Orwell lived from 1903-1950.  He found success in both journalism and fiction writing before dying of tuberculosis in 1950.

Fun fact about George Orwell:  His given name was Eric Arthur Blair and he was born in India. 

"In a time of universal deceit---telling the truth is a revolutionary act."

The Importance of Being An Editor

"I can't edit my own work.  I always see what I think I've written."

Today's devotional spoke about the importance of editing.  Taking the opportunity to have someone else review your work and give you a fresh eye is absolutely crucial to creating the best story you can.  And it can't just be friends who don't know the particulars like an editor does.  It needs to be someone who knows that they're doing.  Someone who can look at the story with an unbiased eye and tell you the truth about what needs to be fixed.  Something I had to deal with myself recently.  Not exactly what I'd call fun, but definitely necessary.  

Especially with self-publishing becoming so popular, having a professional look over your work is essential if you want readers to take you seriously.  Unfortunately, there is still a stigma around self-publishing and the general consensus I've come across in the many forums and books I've ventured into on the subject is that you have to wade through a lot of sub-par stories before you find the few that are actually worth reading.  Maybe more than once.  

Note to self:  Scrape up the money and get every novel you finished edited by a pro.  Check. 

The Best Person I Know

About three things I was absolutely positive.  First, Alisha was the best I know.  Second, she has---for reasons beyond me---put up with me for twenty-four years and counting.  And third, she may be crazier than I am.

The day I met her changed my life in more ways than I can count.  Being two, I can't exactly remember, but I know I have never looked back.  Over the course of a lifetime, I've learned more about the person I want to be from her than nearly anybody else.  You see, my best friend is smart, funny, and at times, sassy (she gets that from me).  She's kind, generous, beautiful, outgoing, spontaneous.  She's selfish and selfless all at once.  She loves God and she loves the people in her life with her whole heart.  She loves me.  She's brilliant and she's wise, which I'll admit, occasionally surprised me as apparently, I wasn't giving her nearly enough credit.  (Not a mistake I continue to make.)  She's thoughtful, fantastic and, while I"ll admit, she can be a little naive, she's one of those people who will show up at your house with the worst horror movie you've ever seen in your life with a new book, vodka and ice cream.  All because some boy broke your heart.  Trust me, by the time she leaves, your heartbreak will be a thing of the past.  You'll be laughing to much to care.  She would give the shirt off her back to a stranger (awkward) just because they needed it.  There is not a mean bone in her body.

She's the kind of person who inspires you to be better so you can actually be worthy of the faith she has in you.  She will be your biggest fan.  She's the type of girl that will make a fool of herself to make you smile.  She brings light to the darkness and is the sunshine where I am the rain.  Both necessary for life, but she's the one people gravitate toward.  Her warmth is captivating.  She is, by definition, the best. 

My assignment for today's devotional was to write a short biography about my best friend.  I was to give the details of her life, like birthday, address, full name.  (Sagittarius, near me, middle name is Ann.  You don't need more than that.)  But if I were to read a biography of somebody's best friend, I wouldn't want to read cut and dried facts.  I would want to know why they were best friends.  Still, I was ordered to keep it short.  Guess for once I am following rules.  Go figure. 

Strange Things

Strange things happen when you reach out to people.  Or when they reach out to you.  I was contacted not long ago by a man I went to high school with, but hadn't actually spoken to much in years.  It was extremely weird and random, but also flattering and if I hadn't been so speechless, I probably would have sounded a lot more eloquent.  (Who would have thought I could be rendered speechless?  Well done.)  

It's one of those things where you don't realize that people actually notice you.  Now, I wasn't unpopular...exactly.  I went to a small rural school and cliques were heavy there.  A lot of the student body (at least in my class) didn't exactly accept you unless you'd been there since kindergarten or beyond.  I got there in eighth grade and believe me, there were a few girls who hated that I moved to this town (as did I) and made sure I knew it.  My best friend throughout those years had been there her whole life and most people knew me as just her friend or some other variation of the title throughout my high school career.  So it is absolutely dumbfounding to find out that might not have actually been the case.  

This guy was senior class president.  He was a joker and quite frankly, pretty much loved by the whole school.  (From my lowly sophomore vantage point, at least.  Far be it from me to speak for the entire student body.)  I think he'd said "hi" to me a few times and honestly, I was probably as surprised then as I was tonight.  All I could think was, "He actually knows who I am!"  And he said I was amazing.  It's incredible---and a little embarrassing---how one little thing can transport you back a decade in time.  I had no idea I had made that much of an impression.  Although, the feeling is mutual.

Despite my ill regard for certain aspects of my high school life, I still feel a kinship for the school and my classmates and it has always struck me as wonderful that no matter what, we always support our own.  This particular guy went on to be a lawyer and venture into politics.  Now, if I had to classify myself as anything political, I would be democrat.  He's republican.  So while I didn't actually vote for him (sorry!) I couldn't help but be incredibly proud of his daring and success and I secretly hoped he would win every position he ran for.  (Do not anybody tell my mother I said that.  Republican is probably considered a dirty word to certain members of my family.  I swear they stop listening to anything you say after that unless it's bashing the political party.  We all have our buttons.)

So, a request of he-who-shall-not-be-named, (please tell me you get the reference):  Please explain this random conversation!  I can only think on it for so long without having my head explode. 

Titanium

I love the message of these lyrics.  Strength, passion, confidence.  
Lyrics of the Moment:
---Titanium---
by David Guetta

You shout it loud, but I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud, not saying much
I'm criticized, but all your bullets ricochet
you shoot me down, but I get up

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
fire away, fire away
ricochet, you take your aim
fire away, fire away
you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium

Cut me down, but it's you who'll have further to fall
Ghost town and haunted love
Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
I'm talking loud, not saying much

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
fire away, fire away
ricochet, you take your aim
fire away, fire away

you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
I am titanium
I am titanium

Stone hard, machine gun
Fired at the ones who run
Stone hard, as bulletproof glass

You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium

I am titanium

Silent Radio

Once upon a time, a friend of mine used to call me his Silent Radio, because I would always message him random song lyrics. Music speaks to me much the same way books do, pulling me in to where I feel their emotions, their pain and triumphs in a very real way. So today, these are my lyrics of the moment:

---Bleeding Out by Imagine Dragons---

I'm bleeding out
So if the last thing that I do
Is bring you down
I'll bleed it out for you
So I bare my skin
and I count my sins
andI close my eyes and I take it in
I'm bleeding out
I'm bleeding out for you (for you)

When the day has come
But I've lost my way around
And the seasons stop, and hide beneath the ground
When the sky turns gray
And everything is screaming
I will reach inside
Just to find my heart is beating

Oh you tell me to hold on
Oh you tell me to hold on
But innocence is gone
And what was right is wrong

Cause I'm bleeding out
So if the last thing that I do
Is bring you down
I'll bleed it out for you
So I bare my skin
I count my sins
I close my eyes
I take it in
an I'm bleeding out
I'm bleeding out for you (for you)

When the hour is night
And hopelessness is sinking in
And the wolves all cry
To fill the night with hollering
When your eyes are red
And emptiness is all you know
With the darkness fed
I will be your scarecrow

Oh you tell me to hold on
Oh you tell me to hold on
But innocence is gone
And what was right is wrong

Cause I'm bleeding out
So if the last thing that I do
Is bring you down
I'll bleed it out for you
So I bare my skin
I count my sins
I close my eyes
I take it in
I'm bleeding out
I'm bleeding out for you (for you)

I'm bleeding out for you (for you)
I'm bleeding out for you (for you)
I'm bleeding out for you (for you)
I'm bleeding out for you

Cause I'm bleeding out
So if the last thing that I do
Is bring you down
I'll bleed it out for you
So I bare my skin
I count my sins
I close my eyes
I take it in
And I'm bleeding out
I'm bleeding out for you (for you)

Know Where You're Going

"The indispensable first step to getting 

the things you want out of life is this:

decide what you want.

          --Ben Stein                                  

Today's writer's devotional had to do with setting goals, so I took the time to write mine out. 

My overall writing goal is to have a successful career as a novelist.  I don't want to write in my spare time around some other job.  I want writing books to be my job.  I'm assuming every writer wants to see their work on the best seller lists, and of course I do, too.  But I don't need any fancy awards or movie deals to feel accomplished.  (Although I wouldn't turn any of that down!)  What I want is for my stories to be heard, to be shared.  To have the characters that mean so much to me mean something to someone else.  I want to walk by a group of people, or even just a couple friends, and overhear them talking about my books the way I talk about other people's stories to my best friend. 

And, all of that is well and good, but what about right now?  I need to have short term goals that don't seem so overwhelming in order to get things done.  So here are my writing goals for 2014:

*Revise Spark In The Ashes.

*Have Spark In The Ashes professionally edited.  

*Find a literary agent.

*Get a publishing deal.

*Finish draft one of Flickering Flame (Book Two in the Shadows trilogy).
*Finish draft one of Wild Rose.
*Finish draft one of Jaxon's story (and give it a title!). 
*Reach 500 followers on my Facebook writing page. 
*Get established on Linked In, Twitter and Google People.
*Review every book I read.

As goals go, it's a fairly long list and a lot of work.  Realistically, I will probably have to push some of these into 2015, but I'm not going to think of that as an option until I have to. 

"If you don't know where you're going,

you might wind up someplace else."

--Yogi Berra                                   

Daily Devotional

Today's Daily Devotional:

"The role of the writer is not to say what we can all say but what we are unable to say."

                                                   ---Anais Nin

Books to read that speak for those who cannot:

*The Color Purple by Alice Walker

*Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi (graphic novel)

*Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe

The Writer's Devotional

So, I bought this new book today.  It's called The Writer's Devotional by Amy Peters. 365 days of writing exercises, prompts and motivations.  I've decided to challenge myself.  For the next 365 days, I will post whatever my devotional is.  I'll probably be needing your help to keep me current, but I think I can do it. 

Here's a run down of the week:
Mondays--Writers on writing.  Learn what the best in the business have to say about the writing process and what their work, and the works of others, meant to them.

Tuesdays--Motivation.  Use these tips and tricks to help you keep writing even when you've hit a wall, and to help you gain the courage to share your work.

Wednesdays--Writing Class.  Try your hand at dozens of different formats, broadening your writing experience.

Thursdays--Editing.  Understand the nuts and bolts every writer needs to master.  Learn everything from punctuation to mastering the active voice, as well as the secrets of creating a truly compelling work.

Fridays--Biography.  Learn about other writers; what motivated them to write and how their past shaped their prose. 

Saturdays--Books writers should read.  The "best of the best" in many genres and styles, so you can measure your work against the masters, and see exactly how they got the job done.

Sundays--Writing prompt.  Wrap up each week with an exercise allowing you to take on one of fifty-two topics. 

(All descriptions are nearly verbatim from the book.)

I'll post what's relevant, even if it's only a quote or books mentioned that I would like to read.  If you'd like to do it yourself, that's wonderful!  I would love to hear the ideas you have or writings that come from any prompts.  So, here we go!  Wish me luck.