Bringing Sexy Back

Physical attractiveness seems to be a theme in my life this last week.  Be it a new dating site based solely on looks mentioned by my brother and his roommate, a night out with the girls reverting back to "rating" men in a bar for pure enjoyment, or an unexpected exaltation of me based on pictures, it's a subject that keeps repeating.  Must be something in the air. 

The thing is, while someone being physically attractive may be the catalyst to spark an interest or a conversation, it's not what keeps it going.  It can bring about lust, infatuation, admiration or even envy, but it doesn't account for a true love or deep appreciation of a person as a whole.  When it really counts, looks don't matter.  They're not what makes a person who he or she is.  They're not what makes me.  And as much as I appreciate compliments, when that's all an interest---even a platonic one---consists of, I find myself extremely annoyed.  

Beauty is not just skin deep.  It is in a person's laugh, their sense of humor.  It's in the way they see the world, the way they treat others.  It's in their very heart. 

Yes, I will admit---without shame---that I can take someone at face value.  Yet I still don't have a type as many of my friends do.  I find that personality actually makes someone's physical traits more (or less) attractive.  I do have my weaknesses.  Some, like gorgeous eyes and a dazzling smile, are fairly cliche (for a reason).  But then I have a few that are probably more unique to me.  Like arms.  Strange, I know.  But give me a nice, muscular set of arms and man, I swoon.  And glasses.  I love a man in glasses.  Not necessarily the every day kind.  More like the Clark Kent kind.  Give that man in glasses something to read or study and whoah boy.  Puddle at your feet.  Intelligence is sexy.  So sexy.  Proving you have intelligence, that you can think for yourself instead of just what the masses tell you is okay is like pulling off your shirt and showing off your muscles.  It's like flexing your brain.  (Is it hot in here?)  Traits like that, personality, those are the things that are hot to me.

When I was younger---like high school---it was common for me to get compliments about my looks.  Not bragging, just fact.  I was cute.  Some even went so far as to call me hot.  As I got older, those compliments stopped, or at least decreased.  I don't know if that's a statement about my looks now or if I just stopped noticing.  Either way, I don't hear them much any more and though when I do I'm completely flattered, I'm also just fine with the change. 

See, I don't want to be told that I'm hot or gorgeous or even beautiful if all you're looking at is my face.  Okay, so I'll go so far as to say I could be considered pretty, but if you're going to compliment me in that way, I want you to actually know me.  Know how I think, how I talk.  Know my opinions, my beliefs, listen to what I say, hear my views about life and if you're lucky (or unlucky), see my flaws and the deepest parts of me.  Examine my darkest secrets, my hidden fears.  Experience my loyalty, my unerring faith in a person and my ability to see the best in everyone.  Listen to my sarcastic and flirtatious nature.  Witness my stubbornness and my temper.  Understand that I make horrific mistakes---sometimes over and over again---that I am strangely unique in some ways.  Understand that I have been broken and damaged in a multitude of ways yet still manage to smile and persevere.  Feel that I can love with my whole heart and still have trouble believing that I am enough, that I am worthy of love after things that I've done---or things that have been done to me---that I am attractive at all.  Get that I do not take compliments well because they seem to come out of left field, even if the person giving them doesn't think so.  (I'm not being coy when I disagree with you.  I just honestly don't see it.)  Know that I have a fear of causing the destruction of those that I love, that I don't want to be thought less of even though my confidence has been shaken in very real ways so I keep it to myself (usually) so as not to burden others.  See that fear of rejection is fought by a hard shell and guarded demeanor but once I open up, I am loving and warm and full of life.  Allow for the fact that I spend more time with my foot in my mouth than with it on the ground.  See all of that, understand it, understand me.  Then, and only then, call me beautiful.  If you can do all that---and allow me to do the same for you---you will have a friend in me for life. And I am a damn good one.

Beauty is all so subjective.  What's attractive to one person is repulsive to another, so I appreciate when one finds me physically attractive, especially when an overheard comment that may or may not have been directed at me, makes it to where I don't.  But I would rather look at who a person is.  I would rather be admired for who I am than what I look like.  And I think if we all just took a few minutes to look beyond the Hollywood stereotype of what makes a person beautiful, what makes them sexy, and really see down deep to the soul of them, what makes them tick, maybe we could actually bring sexy back.  And this time, maybe we could make it mean something.